I felt like I was in that field with you. Three summers ago I was enjoy a blissful time in the ocean with my 4-yo daughter and 10-yo stepson. He said he saw a fin. I said that's probably a dolphin, there are loads of them here. A littler while later while we were facing away from the shore and bouncing in the waves, my stepson looked around and commented that no one else was in the water. Because they were all on shore screaming at us to come in because of a shark sighting. I told him to swim as fast as he could and American-football carried my daughter into shore with everything I had. Love to you, your littles, and your lioness mum.
I feel this very deeply. I do worry too much and always have. I often consider the worst case scenarios no matter how unlikely they are. Then it got much worse for me when the worst case happened and my mum died from brain cancer. My worry and anxiety really peaked in the years after that and I really struggled to relax, especially when it came to my son. On park walks, I’d imagine him careering off the path on the scooter into the lake. When he was asleep, I’d check on him multiple times to ensure he was breathing. I saw everything as a possible dangerous situation.
Four years on and I’m finding some balance. I’m starting to trust my instincts a little more and have remembered that not everything ends with that worst case scenario. It’s hard to find faith in the world after the trauma we went through, but you are right, it’s the price of love.
Hi Kate. My huge apologies for the delay in replying - it's been one of those weekends.
I really appreciate you commenting and sharing so honestly. I am so sorry to hear about your mum. That's heartbreaking. Going through something like that, something so traumatic, you discover what pain is, what loss feels like - it's no wonder you fear it for those people you love. I really am sorry.
There are other comments on here that talk of this similar anxiety - others also rooted in a traumatic loss. But even if not rooted in something like that, it is common. I am not saying it is always 'healthy' for us to have this level of worry/anxiety, but it is common, and understandable. I am glad though that you feel like you're finding more balance and trusting yourself. xx
I loved this, Amy. Such evocative writing and hugely relatable for this fellow catastrophizer. I've always been a worrier but it's definitely taken on a new unshakeable quality since motherhood. My partner has also mentioned it and I find myself being really defensive...I don't choose to be like this, it's exhausting!! It's really reassuring to read everyone's similar experiences - thank you for writing about it.
Hi Lou, thanks so much for reading and commenting. I totally relate to "I don't choose to be like this, it's exhausting!" It IS exhausting, shouldering all this worry. I feel this. I can also get defensive! But I am reading some of these comments and feeling like we catastrophisers are in fine company! There are many of us. I wonder if it manifests in women more than men – i might do some research. I think women/mothers take so much responsibility onto their shoulders... xx
Such a wonderful read! And a piece every mother/parent/worrier will relate to deeply... there is certainly something that happens to our brain after having a child where we can imagine the most awful scenarios happening in slow motion right in front of our eyes. People might call it unnecessary worry but mother instinct is also a powerful force and not something to question ✨
Thanks so much, Ashley. Am glad it was relatable - I do always wonder, is this just me? But with this, I felt, it can't be... And I think you're right that a lot of it is about trusting your instincts. That's all I can do, and I think we have to trust them (to a degree). I am not always good at listening to my gut when it comes to my own life, but the force that communicates when it comes to my children is strong. You're right, it is a powerful force! x
Isn’t it funny how our gut instinct is all consuming when it comes to our children but when it’s screaming at us to pay attention to something in our own life it’s like we’re deaf to it’s cries 😂 x
Loved this! And I relate so much. I feel this way about my grand boys. I think I worry over them more than I did their father when he was a child. My mind is constantly playing out scenarios of things that could go wrong. Recently my hubby was giving them both a ride on the tractor & I went ballistic. Screaming & chasing after him, telling him to let them off. Of course, I have a memory from childhood of losing a cousin who was riding on a tractor & fell off & got run over. I’m sure that’s where that deep seeded terror comes from. Hubby didn’t know & just thought all little boys should ride on tractors. He had his big strong arms wrapped around both of them. It was probably fine but I couldn’t contain the fear inside of me.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. Though I am so very sorry to hear about your cousin. That is an awful thing to have seen as a child. No worry you feel anxious and panicked when you see your grandchildren on a tractor riding like that. It is of course no comment on your husband - no questioning of his ability to keep them safe, that is besides the point - it is that you fear the worst, having seen it already.
I really do think worry is a price of love – but I suppose one (or me!) need to consider whether it is being handled as best as it can, in a healthy way, or whether the worry dictates too much. I think I can possibly fall into the latter sometimes...
Thank you again for reading it and commenting.
BTW, I actually thought of you when I was writing this, as I knew I had at least one subscriber who lived on a farm. I thought, oooh, I hope I get this right about the cows and don't say the wrong thing!
Oh no! You are on point with the cows. Currently I only have one milkless milk cow & the grand boys are fearless around her & the electric fence. I try to teach them the fence by saying “hot” when they’re near but I don’t like to let them in the coral with Daisy Mae at all. Heck, I’m leery of her when she’s in heat. I’ve always been taught never turn your back on a cow & I keep a fiberglass fence post in hand when I’m in the pasture with her.
Ah, see I did turn my back on that bull and the cows – I did think that would be a bad idea, but in my mind I thought, I really don't want to see them any more - and if it charges, I don't want my kids to see that either (more catastrophising). Definitely think my cow-hanging-out days are well and truly over! Shall admire them from afar...
I loved this Amy. So brilliantly written, I was hanging on your every word. So glad everything was ok!
Relate deeply on many levels, (though I have never had a run-in with a herd of cows but think I would react in the same way as you). I definitely worry and am on ‘high-alert’ a lot more since having children and said to myself just yesterday that I need to reign-in the “be careful”s as I seem to say it 100 times a day. I feel like it must be some sort of hormonal rearrangement in the brain in order to fiercely protect. My 21 month old is utterly fearless with absolutely no concept of danger so everything is an edge-of-seat experience with him. It’s emotionally exhausting!
I am sorry you went through such a heartbreaking situation with your friend, it is totally understandable that you worry about things happening when you have been through something like that. I hope you can be kind to yourself, sending love xx
P.s. your mum sounds like a warrior goddess of the farm and field!
Thank you for the lovely comment, Lyndsay. It's hard to not be on 'high alert' - I think, like you say, something gets triggered and it shifts our focus/priorities/sense of threat. I think research as actually proved this rewiring in our brain. I can relate to the 'emotionally exhausting' too - parenthood is a rollercoaster of emotion. Sometimes I feel exhausted just thinking about it – for instance, right now, thinking of the weekend ahead...
Interestingly, after I wrote this piece, all about my attempts to prevent risk, to cosset my children from the world, I set some food under the grill on fire - actual fire - and then the baby fell off his Scuttlebug and bashed his lip so hard it bled everywhere. It felt like a 'f*ck you' from the universe telling me, 'uh-uh-uh, you can't control everything.' (Also an emotionally exhausting learn!)
Thank you for the lovely thoughts re my friend.
As for my mother, ha ha, she is. A tiny wonder of a warrior.
Yes I think you are right re: the research. I think things begin to rewire in the brain during pregnancy which I definitely experienced.
So much exhaustion...! And yes weekends are so tiring whether they are jam packed or completely empty (sometimes more so with no plans..!)
OH NO! So sorry to hear re actual fire and scuttlebug incident. Unbelievable. Oh the lip bleeds are bad...but usually heal quickly, hope he’s ok. And you are too. So much all of this...!
I felt like I was in that field with you. Three summers ago I was enjoy a blissful time in the ocean with my 4-yo daughter and 10-yo stepson. He said he saw a fin. I said that's probably a dolphin, there are loads of them here. A littler while later while we were facing away from the shore and bouncing in the waves, my stepson looked around and commented that no one else was in the water. Because they were all on shore screaming at us to come in because of a shark sighting. I told him to swim as fast as he could and American-football carried my daughter into shore with everything I had. Love to you, your littles, and your lioness mum.
Love your writing ❤️❤️
Thank you so much 😘😘
I feel this very deeply. I do worry too much and always have. I often consider the worst case scenarios no matter how unlikely they are. Then it got much worse for me when the worst case happened and my mum died from brain cancer. My worry and anxiety really peaked in the years after that and I really struggled to relax, especially when it came to my son. On park walks, I’d imagine him careering off the path on the scooter into the lake. When he was asleep, I’d check on him multiple times to ensure he was breathing. I saw everything as a possible dangerous situation.
Four years on and I’m finding some balance. I’m starting to trust my instincts a little more and have remembered that not everything ends with that worst case scenario. It’s hard to find faith in the world after the trauma we went through, but you are right, it’s the price of love.
Hi Kate. My huge apologies for the delay in replying - it's been one of those weekends.
I really appreciate you commenting and sharing so honestly. I am so sorry to hear about your mum. That's heartbreaking. Going through something like that, something so traumatic, you discover what pain is, what loss feels like - it's no wonder you fear it for those people you love. I really am sorry.
There are other comments on here that talk of this similar anxiety - others also rooted in a traumatic loss. But even if not rooted in something like that, it is common. I am not saying it is always 'healthy' for us to have this level of worry/anxiety, but it is common, and understandable. I am glad though that you feel like you're finding more balance and trusting yourself. xx
I loved this, Amy. Such evocative writing and hugely relatable for this fellow catastrophizer. I've always been a worrier but it's definitely taken on a new unshakeable quality since motherhood. My partner has also mentioned it and I find myself being really defensive...I don't choose to be like this, it's exhausting!! It's really reassuring to read everyone's similar experiences - thank you for writing about it.
Hi Lou, thanks so much for reading and commenting. I totally relate to "I don't choose to be like this, it's exhausting!" It IS exhausting, shouldering all this worry. I feel this. I can also get defensive! But I am reading some of these comments and feeling like we catastrophisers are in fine company! There are many of us. I wonder if it manifests in women more than men – i might do some research. I think women/mothers take so much responsibility onto their shoulders... xx
Such a wonderful read! And a piece every mother/parent/worrier will relate to deeply... there is certainly something that happens to our brain after having a child where we can imagine the most awful scenarios happening in slow motion right in front of our eyes. People might call it unnecessary worry but mother instinct is also a powerful force and not something to question ✨
Thanks so much, Ashley. Am glad it was relatable - I do always wonder, is this just me? But with this, I felt, it can't be... And I think you're right that a lot of it is about trusting your instincts. That's all I can do, and I think we have to trust them (to a degree). I am not always good at listening to my gut when it comes to my own life, but the force that communicates when it comes to my children is strong. You're right, it is a powerful force! x
Isn’t it funny how our gut instinct is all consuming when it comes to our children but when it’s screaming at us to pay attention to something in our own life it’s like we’re deaf to it’s cries 😂 x
YES, 100%!
Loved this! And I relate so much. I feel this way about my grand boys. I think I worry over them more than I did their father when he was a child. My mind is constantly playing out scenarios of things that could go wrong. Recently my hubby was giving them both a ride on the tractor & I went ballistic. Screaming & chasing after him, telling him to let them off. Of course, I have a memory from childhood of losing a cousin who was riding on a tractor & fell off & got run over. I’m sure that’s where that deep seeded terror comes from. Hubby didn’t know & just thought all little boys should ride on tractors. He had his big strong arms wrapped around both of them. It was probably fine but I couldn’t contain the fear inside of me.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. Though I am so very sorry to hear about your cousin. That is an awful thing to have seen as a child. No worry you feel anxious and panicked when you see your grandchildren on a tractor riding like that. It is of course no comment on your husband - no questioning of his ability to keep them safe, that is besides the point - it is that you fear the worst, having seen it already.
I really do think worry is a price of love – but I suppose one (or me!) need to consider whether it is being handled as best as it can, in a healthy way, or whether the worry dictates too much. I think I can possibly fall into the latter sometimes...
Thank you again for reading it and commenting.
BTW, I actually thought of you when I was writing this, as I knew I had at least one subscriber who lived on a farm. I thought, oooh, I hope I get this right about the cows and don't say the wrong thing!
Oh no! You are on point with the cows. Currently I only have one milkless milk cow & the grand boys are fearless around her & the electric fence. I try to teach them the fence by saying “hot” when they’re near but I don’t like to let them in the coral with Daisy Mae at all. Heck, I’m leery of her when she’s in heat. I’ve always been taught never turn your back on a cow & I keep a fiberglass fence post in hand when I’m in the pasture with her.
Ah, see I did turn my back on that bull and the cows – I did think that would be a bad idea, but in my mind I thought, I really don't want to see them any more - and if it charges, I don't want my kids to see that either (more catastrophising). Definitely think my cow-hanging-out days are well and truly over! Shall admire them from afar...
I loved this Amy. So brilliantly written, I was hanging on your every word. So glad everything was ok!
Relate deeply on many levels, (though I have never had a run-in with a herd of cows but think I would react in the same way as you). I definitely worry and am on ‘high-alert’ a lot more since having children and said to myself just yesterday that I need to reign-in the “be careful”s as I seem to say it 100 times a day. I feel like it must be some sort of hormonal rearrangement in the brain in order to fiercely protect. My 21 month old is utterly fearless with absolutely no concept of danger so everything is an edge-of-seat experience with him. It’s emotionally exhausting!
I am sorry you went through such a heartbreaking situation with your friend, it is totally understandable that you worry about things happening when you have been through something like that. I hope you can be kind to yourself, sending love xx
P.s. your mum sounds like a warrior goddess of the farm and field!
Thank you for the lovely comment, Lyndsay. It's hard to not be on 'high alert' - I think, like you say, something gets triggered and it shifts our focus/priorities/sense of threat. I think research as actually proved this rewiring in our brain. I can relate to the 'emotionally exhausting' too - parenthood is a rollercoaster of emotion. Sometimes I feel exhausted just thinking about it – for instance, right now, thinking of the weekend ahead...
Interestingly, after I wrote this piece, all about my attempts to prevent risk, to cosset my children from the world, I set some food under the grill on fire - actual fire - and then the baby fell off his Scuttlebug and bashed his lip so hard it bled everywhere. It felt like a 'f*ck you' from the universe telling me, 'uh-uh-uh, you can't control everything.' (Also an emotionally exhausting learn!)
Thank you for the lovely thoughts re my friend.
As for my mother, ha ha, she is. A tiny wonder of a warrior.
x
Yes I think you are right re: the research. I think things begin to rewire in the brain during pregnancy which I definitely experienced.
So much exhaustion...! And yes weekends are so tiring whether they are jam packed or completely empty (sometimes more so with no plans..!)
OH NO! So sorry to hear re actual fire and scuttlebug incident. Unbelievable. Oh the lip bleeds are bad...but usually heal quickly, hope he’s ok. And you are too. So much all of this...!
Sending love and strength xx
Yes, those lip bleeds are quite something. He's much better now, thank you.
Hope you've had a good weekend – it's been another hectic one round here - I am raring for the quiet of Monday morning!
PS I have some posts of yours to catch up, so I look forward to that this week. x