Meditations on movement, motherhood and that time I became an accidental fitness influencer. And why, when I felt my body and mind close to breaking, exercise helped stick the pieces together
Bonafides: First time Mum, 9 months postpartum. This has been a delightful comfort read. I just bought myself pants that fit (!!) my new body and have been struggling with what that new number says about me, how I’ve not “bounced back” or prioritised my health and oh god, what must people think of my post-baby body (thank you early 2000’s media landscape for planting those seeds)… what I’ve not been giving myself grace for is the home my body provides to my baby, even earth-side, that it scoops and comforts and holds and cleans and does all the things it needs to while recovering, still. When I get back to exercise, I like the idea of returning to my body, having something for me to feel great, not with a goal to shrink, shrink, shrink which can only be punishment! Thank you!
This is beautiful - and I felt this deeply in my bones as someone who is itching to return to exercising but struggling to find time with a six month old (I don’t even love exercise, I just like moving and the blankness it offers my mind). Totally understand why you cried, I think I would too!
"I don’t even love exercise, I just like moving and the blankness it offers my mind" - I think people really underestimate the wonder of that 'blankness' - such a good way of putting it. When your head is so busy, as it so often is in motherhood (because if you're not worrying about something you're thinking of the practicalities and admin of life with kids etc), it's actually essential we have time to experience that blankness and give our brains a rest. That's definitely a lot of what exercise gives me. But wow, you have a six month old - so right now you definitely have your hands - and life - full. It's a lot. It's often magical - but it's also A LOT. Sending solidarity, and hoping that, when spring make her grand entrance, you can at least get outside more and walk in the sunshine....
I just stumbled across this and relate so much. I have two boys, 4 and 9 months, and my body does not feel like my own at all at the moment (especially as we are knee deep in winter lurgies!).
I remember reading after my first that it takes 2-7 years for your body to fully recover from pregnancy and childbirth - the whole “6-8 weeks spring back” is complete nonsense. I am so looking forward to feeling strong and healthy in my body again, one day!
"I remember reading after my first that it takes 2-7 years for your body to fully recover from pregnancy and childbirth" - honestly, why don't people talk about this more? Everyone will be different, and take their own time, whether it's months or years, but 6-8 weeks to me seems like a total fantasy.
Oh dear, the winter lurgies - I can relate. Similar situation here.... It's HARD in winter. Also, 4 years and 9 months - both boys needing so much from you in such different ways. Be patient with yourself and your situation (easier said than done), but the time will come again - YOUR time will come again... In the meantime, rest as much as you can and wishing you all better from the lurgies!
Really wonderful piece. Hugely relatable and well written, as always. Not knowing yourself after becoming a mother mentally as well as physically. I'm 10 years post-partum and nowhere near 'snapped back'. Not sure who that person is or was but you've inspired me to try and prioritise movement as part of the equation
Ah, thank you so much for reading and for this comment. I am glad it was helpful. "Not sure who that person is or was" - I find this whole question/issue fascinating (I suppose Tiny Chaos is so much about trying to solve this) and I think moving onwards and inhabiting and accepting our new self (and body) plays such a huge part in navigating the next part of life. It doesn't mean thinking change isn't possible or needed, sometimes it is, but it's also about changes made with kindness. I do believe, that if a person is able, allowing ourselves time and space to move our bodies is an act of essential kindness. Someone in the comments above talked about the 'blankness' that they enjoy from exercise, the brain rest from all the things to do etc, and I think we deserve that too. Time to switch off - time solely for us - time to feel strong and connect with ourselves. Hoping you get more of that this year x.
Lovely piece Amy. Hugely relatable what you said about exercise being all about slimming down etc. the 90s really ruined us all, I think. And even now I find it hard to prioritise exercise when it doesn’t seem to make it any thinner. I just veer off course; what’s the point? I always think, yet I know there is more to it than that, but still I struggle to actually do it. I should though. I know I should and your post is very inspiring, hopefully I will get there eventually. ❤️
Thanks for reading (sorry for slow reply!). You are right, the 90s ruined us, and now, in this era of Ozempic, I see the new fetishisation of 'skinny' and I can feel old worries creep back. It's a headspace that's hard to shake. BUT... I do think that once you disconnect movement from being about weight (or even about the 'body') then it yields the best results mentally. I really go before I find the clarity and release it brings so helpful. I suppose I see exercise as a means to outsource my head care (ha, that's a weird sentence), but I just don't think I can do it all on my own (deal with my head and its many busy thoughts and feelings), so exercise/movement (whatever you want to call it), helps so much. A good walk is also enough! Anyway, we all have our own timeframes and there's no point berating yourself for not doing exercise as that just makes you feel worse. WHEN you get a gap, WHEN you find something that works for you and you enjoy (dance? Salsa? Jogging? Trampolining? could be anything...)then you can explore its many benefits. But time for YOU, whatever you do, is most important. So searching that out is the most vital thing right now xx
I can relate to so many of these thoughts about exercise postpartum. It took me eight years to get back to netball - a sport I love thanks to illness/sleep deprivation/pelvic floor issues. Moving my body now makes me feel so joyful and grateful that I can because for a long time I couldn’t.
Am so pleased netball is back in your life! As a baseline of functioning, I do think sleep deprivation has so much to answer for - if we hadn't sorted our toddler's sleep, I think I still would be a fug right now (well, a fuggier fug than I am now!). Plus add in illness and pelvic floor stuff and that must have been so difficult and frustrating for you. So glad you're back in the court now! x
Such a beautiful piece of writing. And while my post-partum journey back to regular movement had different challenges to yours, I can really relate. And 6 years on & now in my 50s, I’m so pleased to say I feel stronger & better in my body than I did pre-baby. X
Thank you so much. Yes, hopefully, whatever the journey - and also whatever the form of movement - it can still resonate. I think also what's been interesting is that for some people, what's been most important is the ring-fencing of me-time that movement/fitness allows. For me, saying, 'I'm off to my class' has become a way of guaranteeing this time, and it's now so part of the routine that even though my kids might complain, I still go out that door. I still feel guilty at times, but I also feel strangely powerful knowing I have some control over my time. And ultimately, I do think it's setting a good example to them. I am glad to hear you feel so much stronger and better now – I find this so lovely and inspiring to know. Thanks again for reading (and commenting). X
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Yes, the getting strong thing can be so empowering - it's such an interesting mind-body connection. I didn't realise until I started doing it all again how much I needed it - and how much it would help/heal me. I'm glad it's helping you too. Thanks again. X
Bonafides: First time Mum, 9 months postpartum. This has been a delightful comfort read. I just bought myself pants that fit (!!) my new body and have been struggling with what that new number says about me, how I’ve not “bounced back” or prioritised my health and oh god, what must people think of my post-baby body (thank you early 2000’s media landscape for planting those seeds)… what I’ve not been giving myself grace for is the home my body provides to my baby, even earth-side, that it scoops and comforts and holds and cleans and does all the things it needs to while recovering, still. When I get back to exercise, I like the idea of returning to my body, having something for me to feel great, not with a goal to shrink, shrink, shrink which can only be punishment! Thank you!
This is beautiful - and I felt this deeply in my bones as someone who is itching to return to exercising but struggling to find time with a six month old (I don’t even love exercise, I just like moving and the blankness it offers my mind). Totally understand why you cried, I think I would too!
"I don’t even love exercise, I just like moving and the blankness it offers my mind" - I think people really underestimate the wonder of that 'blankness' - such a good way of putting it. When your head is so busy, as it so often is in motherhood (because if you're not worrying about something you're thinking of the practicalities and admin of life with kids etc), it's actually essential we have time to experience that blankness and give our brains a rest. That's definitely a lot of what exercise gives me. But wow, you have a six month old - so right now you definitely have your hands - and life - full. It's a lot. It's often magical - but it's also A LOT. Sending solidarity, and hoping that, when spring make her grand entrance, you can at least get outside more and walk in the sunshine....
Thank you for reading. x
I just stumbled across this and relate so much. I have two boys, 4 and 9 months, and my body does not feel like my own at all at the moment (especially as we are knee deep in winter lurgies!).
I remember reading after my first that it takes 2-7 years for your body to fully recover from pregnancy and childbirth - the whole “6-8 weeks spring back” is complete nonsense. I am so looking forward to feeling strong and healthy in my body again, one day!
"I remember reading after my first that it takes 2-7 years for your body to fully recover from pregnancy and childbirth" - honestly, why don't people talk about this more? Everyone will be different, and take their own time, whether it's months or years, but 6-8 weeks to me seems like a total fantasy.
Oh dear, the winter lurgies - I can relate. Similar situation here.... It's HARD in winter. Also, 4 years and 9 months - both boys needing so much from you in such different ways. Be patient with yourself and your situation (easier said than done), but the time will come again - YOUR time will come again... In the meantime, rest as much as you can and wishing you all better from the lurgies!
Really wonderful piece. Hugely relatable and well written, as always. Not knowing yourself after becoming a mother mentally as well as physically. I'm 10 years post-partum and nowhere near 'snapped back'. Not sure who that person is or was but you've inspired me to try and prioritise movement as part of the equation
Ah, thank you so much for reading and for this comment. I am glad it was helpful. "Not sure who that person is or was" - I find this whole question/issue fascinating (I suppose Tiny Chaos is so much about trying to solve this) and I think moving onwards and inhabiting and accepting our new self (and body) plays such a huge part in navigating the next part of life. It doesn't mean thinking change isn't possible or needed, sometimes it is, but it's also about changes made with kindness. I do believe, that if a person is able, allowing ourselves time and space to move our bodies is an act of essential kindness. Someone in the comments above talked about the 'blankness' that they enjoy from exercise, the brain rest from all the things to do etc, and I think we deserve that too. Time to switch off - time solely for us - time to feel strong and connect with ourselves. Hoping you get more of that this year x.
Lovely piece Amy. Hugely relatable what you said about exercise being all about slimming down etc. the 90s really ruined us all, I think. And even now I find it hard to prioritise exercise when it doesn’t seem to make it any thinner. I just veer off course; what’s the point? I always think, yet I know there is more to it than that, but still I struggle to actually do it. I should though. I know I should and your post is very inspiring, hopefully I will get there eventually. ❤️
Thanks for reading (sorry for slow reply!). You are right, the 90s ruined us, and now, in this era of Ozempic, I see the new fetishisation of 'skinny' and I can feel old worries creep back. It's a headspace that's hard to shake. BUT... I do think that once you disconnect movement from being about weight (or even about the 'body') then it yields the best results mentally. I really go before I find the clarity and release it brings so helpful. I suppose I see exercise as a means to outsource my head care (ha, that's a weird sentence), but I just don't think I can do it all on my own (deal with my head and its many busy thoughts and feelings), so exercise/movement (whatever you want to call it), helps so much. A good walk is also enough! Anyway, we all have our own timeframes and there's no point berating yourself for not doing exercise as that just makes you feel worse. WHEN you get a gap, WHEN you find something that works for you and you enjoy (dance? Salsa? Jogging? Trampolining? could be anything...)then you can explore its many benefits. But time for YOU, whatever you do, is most important. So searching that out is the most vital thing right now xx
Such a beautiful piece, Amy. So relatable, moving and inspirational x
Thanks so much, Holly, and thank you for commenting. xx
I can relate to so many of these thoughts about exercise postpartum. It took me eight years to get back to netball - a sport I love thanks to illness/sleep deprivation/pelvic floor issues. Moving my body now makes me feel so joyful and grateful that I can because for a long time I couldn’t.
Am so pleased netball is back in your life! As a baseline of functioning, I do think sleep deprivation has so much to answer for - if we hadn't sorted our toddler's sleep, I think I still would be a fug right now (well, a fuggier fug than I am now!). Plus add in illness and pelvic floor stuff and that must have been so difficult and frustrating for you. So glad you're back in the court now! x
this was so lovely. thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for reading. x
Well done Amy, keep going and always believe in yourself xx
ha ha, will try! THANK YOU xxxxxxxxx
Beautiful piece Amy. Xx
Thank you so much for reading x
Such a beautiful piece of writing. And while my post-partum journey back to regular movement had different challenges to yours, I can really relate. And 6 years on & now in my 50s, I’m so pleased to say I feel stronger & better in my body than I did pre-baby. X
Thank you so much. Yes, hopefully, whatever the journey - and also whatever the form of movement - it can still resonate. I think also what's been interesting is that for some people, what's been most important is the ring-fencing of me-time that movement/fitness allows. For me, saying, 'I'm off to my class' has become a way of guaranteeing this time, and it's now so part of the routine that even though my kids might complain, I still go out that door. I still feel guilty at times, but I also feel strangely powerful knowing I have some control over my time. And ultimately, I do think it's setting a good example to them. I am glad to hear you feel so much stronger and better now – I find this so lovely and inspiring to know. Thanks again for reading (and commenting). X
Loving this, thank you, Amy for being so open. Getting strong is my narrative around getting back into my body after children too. 🙏🏽🤍
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Yes, the getting strong thing can be so empowering - it's such an interesting mind-body connection. I didn't realise until I started doing it all again how much I needed it - and how much it would help/heal me. I'm glad it's helping you too. Thanks again. X